Tag: joy

New Year! Still Single.

Happy New Year, y’all!

I’ve spent the day doing one of my favorite things ever, reading. I decided to begin reading a book that might encourage me to embrace my singleness and pursue my relationship with Christ, so I read Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness by Joy Beth Smith.  (If you are a single Christian, are friends with single Christians, or have single Christians in your church I recommend this book. She’s bold and honest about how it feels to be a single Christian. Y’all, it’s hard. But it could be easier.)

Back to my point. From the first chapter, she was speaking my language (and in later chapters she quoted Dumbledore, which is also my language. I’m pretty sure I speak in Bible verses and HP quotes.) She was speaking about finding JOY in LIFE. Not in people. In LIFE and JESUS.

So, let’s talk some main points. Even if you’re not single, please read on. This could apply to you in whatever stage you’re in.

God doesn’t owe me (or you) a husband/wife. Guyssss people tell me all the time that it is all in God’s timing. This is true. Everything is better in His timing than in mine, but nowhere in the Bible does it say “All who desire a spouse will be married.” Nope. Not once. I read through the Bible in 2018. And in 2017. And have been hearing it preached and read parts of it my entire life. If that was somewhere I promise I would have jumped for joy, posted it on my Facebook, my Instagram, and my Twitter. I would have texted it to all of my single friends, and to all of my married friends that listen to me groan. But it is not a promise from God that I will be married.

What does that mean for someone, like me, that would like to be married? It means I find JOY in Jesus. I find happiness in the path He has laid before me. Not always the easiest thing when I want to be married. BUT! Do I want to sit around miserable just because my knight in shining armor is somewhere backpacking across Europe or working as a youth minister in the church across town (that is hypothetical, I do not know of any youth ministers in my town besides the one at my own church – who is very much married with two darling babies) or is just taking his sweet time finding me? The answer is a loud NO! I don’t. I want to be living the life that God has blessed me with! It might not be the handsome husband that I go on frequent vacations with and well-behaved kids that never talk back and eat all their veggies with smiles on their faces. BUT it can be with a great group of friends that I vacation with, that get a little sassy sometimes, and prefer hot dogs and s’mores by a campfire – and that can keep me laughing. And, y’all, that is more than okay. I just have to get in the mindset to ENJOY what God has blessed me with in this season. And He has greatly blessed me. He has blessed me with friends who love to travel and who also love to sit around the fire pit and have heart to hearts. He has blessed me with a close-knit family who I just had a nice dinner with and played Sequence (and won!) with.

What else does this mean for me? This means that I can wake up at 5 AM, spend my quiet time with God reading the Bible and praying (and drinking my peppermint mocha coffee), take a long hot shower, AND get to school (mostly) on time. Without having to get my well-behaved children who would definitely get up on time without talking back and put on their sweet matching outfits with sweet bows in their hair ready and to school. Just me and God. No interruptions. Remember how a few days ago I had James 4:8 in my blog? I’ll remind you:

Draw near to God and He’ll draw near to you.

Yep, single life that gives me guaranteed alone time with God means that I can draw near to Him. And in return He draws near to me! I’ll take it. You non-singles can draw near to God too. For sure. Some of the most godly people I know are married. I just know that it can be a bit more challenging to find that quiet time than it is for me.

Another main point she makes: Marriage can’t be the greatest source of joy. Actually, if we look in Galatians we’ll be reminded that joy is actually a part of the fruit of the Spirit. Which means that joy isn’t provided by marriage. At least not true joy. Happiness? Definitely a possibility (for at least part of the time). But the joy we all long for? Nope, can’t be found anywhere but through Jesus.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23

Later she also talks about how people (and the church) can make idols out of marriage. This is clearly a 10 Commandment no-no. It’s actually commandment 2. Look in Exodus for a refresher. Y’all. JESUS should be my greatest source of joy. And my perfect Jesus should be above EVERYTHING. Even that marriage I so badly desire at times. That handsome husband I want? He’ll have flaws. Those sweet babies? Yeah, I teach 5th grade and hang out with kids all the time. They’ll be brats at times. And probably will only eat chickent nuggets and mac and cheese. But Jesus? Jesus! Jesus is perfect. No, Jesus can’t be my boyfriend or husband. And we shouldn’t think of Him in that way. Jesus is our LORD and SAVIOR. We should be in awe of Him. He is our GOD. Not a boyfriend. Not a husband. But, oh my, can He bring joy and peace or what? Does that mean I won’t have nights crying wondering what is wrong with me? How are they married and I can’t find anyone? Of course not! But I do know that He won’t let me down. I do know that He is good and whatever He is doing in my life is good. He promises that in a verse I frequently remind myself of:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. -Romans 8:28

I can find peace and joy in that. I can have faith in Him. I can have faith that He knows what He is doing in my life. And I’m so glad He does, because I have no clue what is going on half the time. I’m pretty sure in the last week I’ve thought about staying at home and teaching 5th grade again next year, moving to Africa to be a missionary, backpacking across Europe, moving to Savannah, GA or Charleston, SC or Louisiana.  I’ve also gone back and forth between do I finish my Rank 1 this year or do I take a break and get more financially stable? Y’all – I am all over the place! But. You know who isn’t all over the place? Who is stable? Who knows the plan for my life? Jesus. And that gives me peace. I need someone stable in my life. I need someone leading me.

Next point. You can’t hurry or earn love. Amen. Amen. Amen. Y’all – people telling me (and probably you) that we just need to date this guy, quit being so picky, go these places, go to this church, become a better Christian, decide that God is all I need. Y’all. Those things aren’t going to make God decide to give me a husband. Being a better Christian and deciding God is all I need are good things. But, He’s not up in heaven looking down saying, “Oh, if she would just go on a date with that guy sitting across the pew from her.” or “She really needs to start liking guys that want to play video games all day.” or “Shew, if she would only go to that church across town!” or “She just needs to pray for 15 minutes longer, give this much more money, go volunteer her time at the homeless shelter, etc. then I would give her a husband.” or even “Once she decides that she is content with being single and that I am all she needs, THEN I’ll send her a husband.” No. I don’t THINK He’s saying that. I mean, I’m not in heaven listening to Him. I just have a feeling that’s not what He’s saying. Though I haven’t asked my married friends, I am pretty sure that they didn’t have to cross those things off of a list and all of a sudden God sent them a man. Nope. I think that I’ve prayed a lot about a husband and being with someone and God’s time for me to get married isn’t here yet. And might not ever be. Again, I’m not God, so I’m not sure. And He’s not punishing me by withholding a husband from me. I’m pretty sure I’ve read in multiple places that our God is a GOOD GOD! He is working all of this together for my good AND so He gets glory!

This is just a little bit of what I got from her book. This really got my 2019 started on the right foot. I might have ended 2018 in struggles and tears because of not being able to be with a certain person. This was a wakeup call and reminder that God is in control! And also, that I’m not alone. Living in small town Kentucky where the majority of people are married with kids by the time they’re 22…or on drugs…or both, this can be hard to see. I don’t live in DC or Charleston or a bigger city where it is more normal to be 30 and single. Nope. I am called to live in small town Kentucky at the moment.

This book has also made me decide to make some New Year Resolutions. And I am totally not the resolution type. I mean I work out semi-regularly. I eat healthy for most of my meals. I go to bed early. I don’t drink or smoke. I’m pretty kind to people. I could probably work on the procrastinating thing. But I don’t make resolutions because I don’t need a reason to feel bad about myself when I quit working on the resolutions on January 7. Or when I don’t meet my future husband by July.

So, what are my resolutions?

  1. LOVE! Love everyone. Love my family. Love my neighbor. Love the kid in my class that gets a smart mouth with me. Y’all. Even try to love my ENEMY. (Matthew 5:44 tells me to do this.) Pray for me. My family, neighbors, and that kid will be easy to love. My enemy. Y’all. I try.
  2. TRUST GOD! I mean I know that God knows better than me, but sometimes I try to tell Him that if He would just let me meet this guy things would be perfect between us. (He let me meet that guy. Things weren’t perfect.) Or I remind Him that I’m 30 and single and want to be a momma and my parts aren’t getting any younger. He knows. He knows the second I was born. He knows the desires of my heart. He hears my prayers. He is saying no for a reason. So, I am going to work on trusting His no.
  3. FIND JOY! I’m going to be more intentional in my prayer time. (I’m currently reading Fervent by Priscilla Shirer). I’m going to find joy in spending time with Jesus. I’m going to find joy in the blessings He gives me.
  4. CHOOSE HAPPY! I’m not so optimistic that I know I am going to be happy every minute of every day. I know that I am going to have sad days. I also know that in the last year I let myself get upset. A lot. And usually over guys. And honestly? Only one of those guys (maybe) should have made me sad. Y’all, I even got sad when I ended things with a guy that I didn’t like. I didn’t want to end things. I just felt bad for leading him on. Some of those guys also made me mad. But I want to intentionally choose happy. How am I going to do this? First, I am going to find happiness in my identity with Christ. For at least half of this year I am not going to date. Yeah, you read that right. I’ve made dating and marriage almost an idol. I’m taking a giant step back. And focusing on God. Putting my relationship with Him first. The rest of my life will fall into place. With or without a man. I am going to find happiness in the other blessings and relationships He has given me. I texted a friend telling her we need to tell each other three things that make us happy every day. I told her that the things that make me happy today are I made a new friend (the author of this book. Y’all, she tweeted me back twice and told me her DMs are always open. What an awesome published author), my dog Carly makes me laugh (she fell off of the recliner, probably shouldn’t make me laugh but HOW?!), and my dad made yummy gumbo and we hung out with my papaw. Simple. But those things made me happy. I’m not sure if she agreed with that idea because she didn’t tell me what made her happy. If you’re still reading my ramblings, please tell me 3 things that make YOU happy!
  5. GIVE LESS ADVICE. Yep. I HATE receiving advice. It makes me mad more than it helps. I know that most of the time it comes from well-meaning people. But advice on how to find and keep a man is not what I need. Unless you are God and can send me a man, your advice probably won’t help me. Want to help me? PRAY! Pray for me. I’ll take prayers. I need prayers. So what am I going to do instead of give advice? PRAY! Pray for my friends that are struggling in their marriages. Listen when they need to talk. Pray for my friends struggling with infertility. Listen when they need to talk. Pray, pray, pray. If they ask for advice, I’ll send them to the Bible. Or Dumbledore. Or both.
  6. MAKE MY HOUSE A HOME. I told the guy that I fell head over heels for that my house never felt like home. And it hasn’t. He said that we would get a house that would be home together in the future. But life is messy and that may or may not happen. I’m going with the not. Just safer for my #4 resolution – I’ll keep my happy if I don’t get my hopes up about him just to have them shattered again. I don’t know where God is taking that whole situation. I also have never felt like I’m staying here long. But here I am living in the same house 2.5 years later. Teaching in the same district 5 years later. Y’all, it MIGHT just be my home. I’ve prayed about moving, but I don’t feel like God is leading me anywhere else right now. So. It needs to be a home. My bare walls need pictures. My clearance TJ Maxx picture frames need photographs. I need end tables and lamps. My house needs to be full of people. It needs to be a home.
  7. BUILD A COMMUNITY. Y’all, the hardest part of being single in this town is there isn’t a group that I fit in well with. At church, I am one of I think two single people in my age range. Two single 30-somethings. Am I mad that all the married people in our age range haven’t reached out to build a community with me? Not. At. All. Y’all – life is busy enough as a single person. Add a spouse and some kids in the mix and SHEW! I know they’re busy. I also know they love me dearly. BUT I also know that I need a community. I need people around me. Not all the time. (I’m pretty introverted. I need my rest time away from people.) But I need people sometimes. I’m going to start off simple. Have a dinner and game night with some girl friends and cousins at my house. And then (the hard part), try to follow up with this once a month at least. Why is that hard? Because all of these people are either married and/or have kids. Y’all, these people are busy. But I have to start somewhere. God did not create man to be alone. He might not be giving me a husband at the moment, but He has given me friends and family.

Wow. If you are still reading this far in I’m impressed! This was long. Very long. If you are still reading, tell me if you make resolutions or not. What are some of your resolutions? Or why don’t you make them?

Sweet friend, I am praying that you find your identity in Christ this year. I pray that you can find joy through Him – our only true, never-ending source of joy. Mostly, I am praying that if you do not have a personal relationship with Christ you come to know Him. What an amazing God He is!

Immediately

While scrolling through Instagram I read a post that asked if you had a “word of the year” to start 2019 with. Immediately, the word that came to my mind was… “immediately.”

According to Merriam-Webster, immediate means to happen without ANY delay.

This word has actually been in my mind continuously since September or October. I was reading Matthew at that time and the word “immediately” kept showing up.

Y’all, I’ve read Matthew and the other gospels multiple times in my life – I mean I’ve been in a Southern Baptist church since I was born. Until recently, the word “immediately” hasn’t really stood out. Yeah, I know that the disciples dropped everything and followed Jesus right away, but it never stood out for MY life. Until then. Until I started reading Matthew this year. In chapter 4 of Matthew, Jesus called the first disciples. Specifically, he saw Simon Peter and Andrew fishing in the Sea of Galilee because they were fishermen. Jesus told them to, “Follow me, and I will make you fisher of men.” And what happened?

Immediately they left their nets and followed him. – Matthew 4:20

Guys, they didn’t discuss with their families if this was a good choice, if this would work for them. They didn’t say, well we need to finish fishing then go to the market to sell our fish and make some money. No, y’all. They went with Jesus IMMEDIATELY. No delay. Drop everything and go.

Alright, let’s look at what happens next. Jesus sees two other brothers James and John, with their dad mending nets. He called to them. What happens?

Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. -Matthew 4:22

Guys, again. They went IMMEDIATELY. No delay. Guys, they left their DAD to mend the nets. Again, no discussion. No delay. Just, follow Jesus.

This word shows up again throughout the gospels as Jesus heals the sick. No delay. Jesus healed them as He met them. He immediately heals. Pretty awesome. Not a “here take this pill for 7 days and you’ll be better” or (since I’m an oily person) “put RC on your chest and within a few minutes your cough and congestion will go away.” Nope. Jesus healed IMMEDIATELY. No delay.

I serve an AWESOME God who can do things immediately.

So, back to my “word of the year” being immediately. Guys, this is a scary word.

Especially for an overthinker like me. I need to think for a couple of weeks. I need to pray a lot about choices. I ask, “God, is this YOU or is this ME?” a lot. I don’t do much immediately.

It’s also scary for a person like me who likes to have a plan. And who is a people pleaser. Y’all, immediately could mean picking up and moving somewhere. It may not. Only God knows. I’ve had people say that God won’t have me move in the middle of the school year. We don’t know that. He might. He might see that I’m needed somewhere else and another teacher can come in and change my students’ lives. I’ve had people say God won’t send me anywhere without enough money saved up to go. Um, He might. Let’s look in Luke 10. Jesus sends out 72 ahead of Him, two by two into the towns where He was about to go.  Verse 4:

Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road. -Luke 10:4

Yeah, he told them to take no moneybag. That means he might send me without having money saved up in my bank account. He might send me somewhere without anything so I have choice but to have complete faith in Him.

No matter what, I know that with immediately being laid on my heart, that God wants me to have faith and obey Him immediately this year. This might mean leaving a job – His disciples left their jobs. This might mean leaving my family – His disciples left their families. This might mean living on complete faith that God will provide what is needed – His disciples did this.

I know that in the last few years I have not obeyed Him immediately. And what did it lead to? Regret. Repentance. And the want to obey Him immediately.

I had it laid on my heart to become a foster mother a couple of years ago. I let people talk me out of it because it would be tough and I’m a single lady and I was working on my Master’s degree and I would have to give up a lot of freedom like picking up and traveling when I want to. Now I don’t have this laid on my heart anymore. And I know that I missed a blessing. And I regret this greatly.

I also realized I was sinning. I didn’t stop the sin immediately, and now I am struggling with heartbreak and loneliness. This sin was also after not immediately praying about something that had been laid on my heart. Giving up dating and focusing on my relationship with God. Now, I have no want to date.

God is going to get us where He wants us. We have the choice to immediately listen to Him. To immediately obey Him. Or we can make things difficult. We can say, “oh, that’s not God saying that to me” and ignore Him. And as a result suffer from heartbreak and loneliness or another consequence.

Do you have a word of the year for 2019? If so, let me know what the word is and what it means to you!

Sweet friend, as you are about to go into 2019, I pray that Jesus lays on your heart to follow Him immediately, I pray that you have faith to follow Him completely. Mostly, I pray that if you don’t have a relationship with God, you will become a believer. I pray that you will accept Him as your Savior. I’m praying if you don’t know how you will reach out to someone.

The Journey Begins

Starting a blog has been on my mind for a while. I enjoy writing, yet don’t do it nearly enough. My thoughts with writing a blog keep going to, “but what will you write about?” and “no one will want to read what you have to say” or even “you’ll write one post and God won’t give you anything else He wants you to write about.”

Today, I finally thought that’s okay. If God gives me one or two posts, that’s fine. I also know I have to step out in faith. God might not give me more words until I finish the words He has given me right now. The words He has given me so far were given to me for a reason. They might encourage another lady out there. If one person is encouraged to pick up a Bible and grow deeper in their relationship with God, these few posts are worth it. If one person comes to have faith in God and begin a relationship with Him, these few posts are more than worth it. I know God can do powerful things through words. He does powerful things in my life daily through HIS word, and through the words of others. However, God might continue to give me words.

For the last year or so the phrase “finding joy in the journey” has frequently been on my mind. Finding joy even in the rough times, which there are a ton of for me. Moving back home when I just knew that I was never going to live in Corbin again – shocking. Living in a small town where it is normal to get married in your early 20s, yet I’m 30 and single – rough. Realizing it is hard to form a community with a group because everyone your age is in a completely different stage of life than you in this small town – lonely. Seeing all of your friends get married, yet staying single – bittersweet. Seeing those same friends begin families of their own – love those sweet babies so much, but bittersweet. I constantly ask God when that part of my life will begin. I am not getting an answer, but I am going to continue to find joy in the journey. This journey is not what I thought it would be, yet I would not trade it for anything.