I adore reading. I devour books. I love when I read the books that I just can’t put down. I can’t wait to finish one chapter to get to the next and find out how the book ends.

I’m opposite when it comes to my life. I hate when it feels like chapters are ending. I get scared at what the next chapter brings.

I’ve been thinking a lot about one chapter ending and others beginning lately, especially since it is graduation season. This graduation season has me extra sentimental. My first group of sweet, stinky 5th graders is graduating high school this year. It has me reminiscing about my first year of teaching. Of a sweet, sweet girl who brought me candles because she knew the boys in her class stunk after recess and flowers just because she thought of me when she saw them. Of that sweet, sweet girl about to start a new chapter – graduate high school and become a sweet, sweet mommy. I know she’ll be a sweet mommy because of how she loves other people. It has me reminiscing about a hard-working boy who was so excited when he learned long division that he could not wait to teach the rest of the class, and how that hard-working young man is about to go to a welding institute. It has me reminiscing about an amazing, smart young lady who always had a smile and was always eager to learn, and how that amazing, smart young lady is about to begin her new chapter at a college to become a dental hygeniest. It has me reminiscing about doubling over in laughter with my co-workers, the best team I’ve had a chance to teach with. It has me reminiscing over what we overheard our sweet, sweet students say – you couldn’t go wrong in 5th grade because all of the teachers were awesome. This chapter ending has me so excited for these amazing students of mine.

I’ve been thinking about a chapter ending when I think of this school year coming to a close and my current 5th graders moving up to middle school. I’m thinking how I know they can be successful if they put their minds to it. I’m thinking about how I’ve seen them mature over the course of the year and cannot wait to see where they are in a few years when they graduate high school – but I’m in no hurry to see that time come.

I then started thinking of the different chapters in my life and what they’ve led to, what story God has written with these chapters. They haven’t all been easy. Many of them have been challenging. There have been sicknesses, deaths, bad breakups, moving to new towns not knowing what my plan is, losing friends, being single at an age where it is not necessarily the norm to be single – in the midst of all of your friends getting married and having babies. Yet, God has used all of these to write a sweet, sweet story. He has healed my broken heart, He has brought some friendships back together, He has shown me that sometimes I have to let somethings go so He can make better things happen.

Let’s remember this Bible verse from Jeremiah:

“‘For I know the plans I have for,” declares the Lord, “plans fo welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

Y’all, He knows our ending. And our ending is not harm – it is HOPE.

This makes me think of gardening. When I first started landscaping I had to get rid of grass and weeds to plant my beautiful flowers. To give me what I need, to make my story beautiful God had to remove the grass and weeds from my life. Unfortunately, this is not a one time thing. I was weeding my flowerbed this morning. And last week. And the week before. Yep, this is a constant thing. God is constantly weeding out things from our lives. It might be painful – I’m sure those weeds don’t like their roots pulled out of the ground, but it is needed to keep the garden beautiful.

Let’s look to the Bible again. Like I said, weeding can be painful. Closing a chapter can be painful, especially when it involves losing people or not knowing what is about to happen. So, let’s look in Romans this time.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

There’s a little word in there. Trust. As we TRUST in God, may He fill us with JOY and PEACE. Yes, we must trust that He knows what He is doing. We must trust that He holsds the future. Just as I am weeding my flowerbed to make it beautiful, I have to TRUST that God is weeding things from my life to make it beautiful, filled with joy, and filled with peace. We msut also trust that He is working all things together for our good. It’s funny how I keep going back to that verse in this crazy life journey.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Y’all, God loves us so much. He is writing our story. The next chapter may be a scary chapter, a crazy chapter, one that makes us cringe the whole way through, but it brings us one chapter closer to our happy ending. Our eternal life in Heaven praising our Creator.

Friend, I am praying for you to find joy in whatever chapter is ending in your life right now.  I am praying that God will show you that this chapter is closing for a reason and God has a plan. I am praying that you remember that God’s plan is not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future.

When thinking about finding joy in the journey, I realized a huge part of my journey, just like most everyone else’s journey, is my job. To adult, we have to work. It is what it is.

At one point in time I absolutely HATED my job. Dreaded it. It gave me a migraine almost daily. I called my mom in tears every day because it was the worst. I wanted to move home and never step foot into another classroom. I was looking at other career choices. Maybe I could be a writer? I didn’t know what to write about. An accountant? That math made my head hurt. An au pair? A flight attendant? I did give those two some serious thought.

I decided to apply for a substitute teaching position for income while I looked at becoming a flight attendant or an au pair or a trophy wife or whatever else came along. Little did I know God was about to turn my world upside down.

I received a phone call from my current boss asking me if I would be interested in working in the district as an AmeriCorps worker. I know they don’t get paid a lot, but they do pay off some student loans, and I had a free place to live with very few bills. I did it. I walked into this new school and it was a breath of fresh air. I loved working in the schools again, but still did not want to go back to the classroom.

The next year I stayed at that school, but in a different position. During that year I decided I wanted to try out the classroom again. I prayed and prayed about it. I decided I was going to tell my boss I was going to apply for a teaching position within our district. Y’all, God was all over this. I walked into his office and my boss told me he wanted me in the classroom. WHAT?! Not only that, but he wanted me to focus on building relationships and making my students feel safe. Test scores? They’ll go up if the kid feels safe – because the kids will show up and behave if they feel safe. This was completely opposite of what I had been told before. This job was absolutely perfect for me, so I accepted.

I just completed my 3rd year in this classroom. Holy moly, was he right. I love my job. I love my students. My students feel safe and have fun. Just when I start to feel like they’re not learning we take a test and they are growing leaps and bounds. Guys, God knew what He was doing placing me in that setting.

I now find joy in building relationships with my students, in having fun with them. I found this same joy my first year, but felt guilty in finding it in that and not in test scores. I reread notes my students wrote me my first year, I talked to a sweet, sweet mother of one of my sweet, sweet students from my first year, and I thought of the kid who I targeted to determine if I was successful my first year. The notes went on about how much my students loved me. They created a binder filled with these notes for me. This is one of my most prized possessions. The sweet mother? She was telling me her son asked if I would be at his high school graduation. Of course, I’m not going to miss that. And that kid I targeted? He wouldn’t give me a high five or anything at the beginning of the year. My goal was to get him to trust me enough to give me a high five. I got a hug on the last day. Oh, he also went from a novice to a distinguished…when he told me he was stupid and not to worry about him.

Colossians 3:23 tells us:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all our heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

This year I made the goal to start finding joy in my classroom every day. I mean I get to hang out with 5th graders all day. I was not appreciating how cool that actually is. The Lord has placed me here in this awesome job, and I can work for Him. I pray for my students and how I treat them daily. I pray that I can work for the Lord. I pray that I can find joy in that day. Guys, if you actually start intentionally looking for joy in where you are placed, I believe you will find it. I wish I would have thought this during my miserable time when I never wanted to teach again, but I am glad I realized it relatively early in my career. Now I look for joy in the little things. That shy girl that got up to speak in front of the entire class? Joyous time! That hard worker that went to a proficient? Joyous time! That kid who wants to teach you a Fortnite dance? Dance with that kid! Joyous time! That kid who always has jokes? Let him tell a couple, get a good laugh! Joyous time! Taking a few minutes to goof off and have fun? It doesn’t affect my students’ learning…and if it does, they just grow because they got a quick brain break, are happy, and feel safe.

Next school year my goal is to continue to find joy in the classroom every day, but also with coworkers outside of the classroom. Spread the joy. Y’all, your joy can be contagious. I know that not everyone reading is a teacher, but that does not mean you can’t spread the joy or find the joy. You can do this where ever you are placed. You can spread joy and Jesus by forgiving quickly, by loving others deeply, by going out of you way to help those you see that need an extra hand, and even by simply smiling and asking how someone’s day is.

1 John 4:19 says:
“We love because He first loved us.”

We can spread this love and joy He has for us. There is no greater gift that we have received and we should be spreading this to others. How are you going to spread joy in your journey?

Friend, I am praying that you can find joy in your day to day life, in your crazy schedule. I am praying that you can spread that joy to others around you that may need it.

In the last couple of years, and even the last couple of months, I’ve had to grow up a lot. It has not been easy. During these times of growing up I’ve been thinking a lot about other people and finding happiness through them. I’ve realized how dangerous this can be to our mental and spiritual health.

There have been multiple times in my life when I’ve been told that I am the reason for someone’s happiness. I know that I’ve also felt like people are the reason for my happiness. And I’m not talking about in the way of being with and talking to someone makes you happy. I am talking about they are the sole reason you are happy.

Guys. This is a HUGE weight to bear for both sides. To have your complete happiness in one person is not okay. This person is human. They WILL hurt you. They WILL disappoint you. There is no maybe to it. It’s a promise.  I know that I have hurt and disappointed everyone that I am close to in my life at sometime. I know that I have been hurt and disappointed by everyone that I’m close to. So completely relying on that person to make you happy? Yeah, that will lead to some major heartache.

On the other hand, knowing someone’s happiness rests in you is overwhelming. My heart is beating fast and I’m starting to sweat just thinking about it. It makes you feel as if you have to walk on eggshells around them because you are so afraid to hurt them. You overanalyze everything you say and do and absolutely cannot be yourself, because what if you say something or do something that crushes them?

Alright, I hear you. You don’t rely on ONE person to make you happy, and there’s not anyone that relies completely on you to make them happy. But what about putting our happiness in a group of people. I have amazing friends and family that are there for me no matter what. I had a rough week last week. Actually, who am I kidding? I’m having a rough 30th year of life. But last week I had friends and cousins on the phone with me for hours. They were there for me. I am so thankful that God sent these people into my life. BUT I know that my happiness cannot come from my family or friends. My happiness can’t come from these conversations. Here is where I am guilty. I know that when I’m going through a difficult time my first reaction is to talk to people. I found myself scrolling through my contacts to find someone to talk to. I was trying to find my happiness and peace through other people.

Y’all. No. My difficult times should always go to God first. And my difficult times might not need to go any farther than God. I can’t rely on people and conversations to make me happy. When they don’t reply in 30 minutes and I get sad, that’s obviously just a bandage, and not a very good one at that. And these people and conversations will disappoint you. That amazing bestie you have? Yep, y’all are going to hurt each other’s feelings at some point. That sweet significant other? Y’all are going to argue. And if I’m being blunt (which I usually am) y’all might even break up. We can never please anyone all the time and no one can please us all the time. Even worse, these conversations might not align with God’s will. Take it to God in prayer, read the Holy Bible. If what they tell you does not align with the Bible, then you don’t need to be talking to them about that situation anyway.

That leads me to the questions: if we can’t find true happiness through others, where can it be found?

Essential oils? Y’all, I’ve BATHED in Stress Away, Valor, and Joy for the last week. I cried every day before school last week. I cried in between classes. I cried after school. Y’all, I’m going to confess that I even cried while working with a student. Y’all. Hot mess express right here. So, even though those oils smell amazing, and taking the deep breaths to take in the yummy scents helps me calm down for a few minutes, they are not going to bring me pure joy and happiness.

Wine and Netflix? Not going to lie. I’m not a drinker, but I’ve been tempted to bring back beginning teacher Kayla who relied on wine and Netflix after a rough day. Then I remember that bottle of moscato and Friends reruns don’t solve anything. And wine hangovers are not fun.

Food? Y’all, I could go for some Reese Cups, Girl Scout Cookies, and maybe a chili dog and root beer from the Root Beer Stand right now. Those things will bring me happiness for about 5 minutes. And then just bring me more stress when my favorite pants don’t fit anymore.

Working out? I run, walk, or do yoga 5 out of 7 days a week, which is great because exercise is good for stress and happiness. Something about releasing endorphins. It feels good while I’m doing it…kind of. Then I get back to my car to head home and I’m right back where I started.

Beach? Not going to lie, I’m super excited that soon my booty will be sitting in the sand and I will be soaking up some much needed Vitamin D. But when I get back to the real world I’ll be back to where I started again.

Sweet friend, the only thing that we can rely on to bring us complete happiness is Jesus.

Yes, I wonder what in the world He is doing. Why in the world does He let me be sad where I cry for weeks at a time? Why does He keep letting me get hurt time after time? I mean why can’t He appear to me like He did to Moses just to tell me exactly what I should do to stop being hurt.

Well, y’all. He gave me the Holy Bible and prayer. I am so thankful for both of these things.

So I remember Romans 8:28, which is quickly turning into my favorite verse for my 30th year of life.

And we know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Alrighty, do I love God? Yep. So what is promised to me? That He will work ALL things together for good. Not some. ALL. We don’t see how things are working for good right away. And if you’re a super emotional hot mess like me that cries a lot, I feel ya. I might have been on my knees crying my eyes out in confusion and sadness while praising God because I know He’s got this and is working things out even if at the moment I am struggling and want to get some moscato and turn on The Office reruns and forget the world.

And what happens when we believe in and love Jesus? Exactly what I am searching for in life! Let’s look at 1 Peter 1:8-9.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and even though you do not see Him now, you are filled with an inexpressible andglorious joy, for you are receiving the end results of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Yes! An inexpressible and glorious JOY!

Do you remember how you could put quotes on your Facebook profile at one time? There’s a Daughtry song I used to like that has a line saying “All that I’m after is a life full of laughter” – that was my quote on Facebook. My goal has always been to have a life of laughter and love. I thought that would come through people, but that joy and love and laughter I want some much comes from a relationship with Jesus. That’s all it can come from. He can send people into or lives that make us happy and that love us, but He should be our sole source of joy. I am so thankful that He does send those people to us, He knows who we need and when.

Now, let’s look at another verse.

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. –Psalm 62:1-2

Yep. In Christ alone comes my salvation. In Christ alone I have hope. Y’all, in Christ alone I have joy.

Sweet friend, I am praying that you turn to Jesus and find your joy completely through Him. Obviously, you will have trials even when a relationship with Jesus. Your life won’t be perfect. But, oh man, that peace that comes when you turn everything to Him. I’m praying you find that peace. Seeing how He works things out in your life when you go to Him. Oh wow, my mind is blown when I see what He has done. I pray you completely turn to Him.

Rejection.

It is something we have all felt at one time or another. And it is a sucky feeling whether the rejection was intentional or unintentional.

In my life I have been through a lot of rejection, just like I’m sure you have in your life.

A couple of nights ago I was dwelling on a past rejection that was once again brought to my attention. I was praying about this rejection and crying over this rejection. During this time, it hit me.

The. Best. News. Ever.

I am NOT rejected.

I am CHOSEN.

Not only am I CHOSEN, I am CHOSEN by God. He has NEVER rejected me, and never will. Not even when I’m pouty or throwing a fit because I’m not getting my way. Not even when I’m stomping my feet having a hissy fit because I’m confused. Y’all, not even when I disobey. He forgives that and still CHOOSES and ACCEPTS and even better LOOOOVES me. I am His Child!!

And you know what’s even better? You are HIS CHILD too if you have asked Him to be your Lord and Savior. And if you haven’t? Just ask Him. Seriously.

Does this mean worldly rejection won’t hurt me? Nope. I’m sure it will still be sucky. But realizing that I am CHOSEN by God will make that rejection a whole lot easier to get through.

John 15:16 says “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”

See that? We didn’t choose him. Oh, no. He chose US! Yep. We are CHOSEN. Not rejected.

Ephesians 1:3-4 reminds us of that too. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.”

He chose us BEFORE the foundation of the world. Y’all. That blows my mind to even think about.

And don’t forget in Jeremiah 1:5 where God says that He knew us before He formed us in the womb.

Y’all, our God is SUCH a loving God. He loves us so much more than anyone on this Earth could ever dream of, and definitely way more than the people that are rejecting us. I can find such peace in knowing that and hope that you can too.

Sweet friend, I am praying that you can find peace in God, even during your times of rejection. I am praying that during those times you can remember that God does not reject you, He has CHOSEN you and LOVES you more than you can even imagine. I am praying that if you do not know God that you pursue a relationship with Him that will take you on the best journey of your life.

 

I had been thinking about December and how it seems so lonely. Then my pastor commented on it being a lonely month today too, and I realized I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Don’t get me wrong, I have an AMAZING family. I have great parents who love me dearly. I have a hilarious brother that is so much fun to joke around with. I have cousins that are more like siblings, and their spouses are amazing too. I have aunts, uncles, and grandparents that would do anything for me. I’ve had comments since high school until earlier this week about how great my family is. How people would love to be apart of my family. Y’all, I could not ask for a better family. I mean we have our quirks. And we’re not perfect. At all. I also have amazing friends that are always there. I just spent 7 hours with my best friend, and many of those hours with her family playing games and talking. I have people. I have lots of people. I love those people dearly.

But. December is still lonely for some of us. It’s lonely when you are scrolling through Facebook and seeing engagement and baby announcements. It’s lonely when you walk through the store and see parents Christmas shopping for their kids. It’s lonely when you go to family gatherings and see your cousins married and with kids. (Side note: though it is lonely, I could not be more thrilled or happy for my friends who are getting married and having babies – my loneliness does not stop be from being happy for them! I see so many answered prayers in their marriages and babies!) It’s lonely when you are putting up your tree by yourself. When you are having Saturday morning coffee by yourself. When you are Christmas shopping for a few loved ones by yourself.

Don’t stop reading. This is not a pity party for me. Because there is GOOD NEWS!

Y’all. God brought me to this point of loneliness. I have no doubt about it.

Now, why in the world would a loving God do something like that? Because He loves me SO much and wants to work through me, so He had to bring me to the point where I have no where to turn except to Him.

Wait, I know I said I have friends and family. I have people to go to. I have people to call. At this stage in my life I’m looking for something more and different to fulfill that loneliness. I’m not going to lie, I want a family. I’ve always desired to be a wife and a momma.

I attended WKU and lived in Bowling Green, KY for 7 years after high school. I had sooo many amazing friends, many that I could still call today for any reason. After an awful, stressful year I decided to move back home for a few months. 5 years later and I’m still here. What has happened since I’ve been here? I’ve had multiple friends get married. I am THRILLED for them. Life changes a bit when your friends have husbands. I’ve had multiple friends have the most amazing babies I’ve ever met, and they never doubt for a second that their Kay Kay loves them dearly. Life changes a bit when your friends have babies. I’ve had multiple friends disappear. No fight. No warning. Just, poof! Disappear. Life changes when you realize that friend is no longer available for you to call up to chat or to ask for advice. I’ve had an amazing friend move across the country. Life changes when you have to fly to see each other. I’ve fallen in love, and gotten that love taken away from me. Life changes when a guy you love is not apart of your life. Throughout all of that, I’ve learned I’m lonely. I’ve learned that there is only one thing that can help me through this loneliness.

Jesus.

Y’all. The power and presence of Jesus is amazing.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
-Psalm 16:11

Do you see that? In HIS presence there is fullness of JOY! He had to bring me through this lonely path so that I could find the fullness of JOY in HIM! Not in my besties. Not in boyfriends. Not even in my amazing family. HIM and HIM alone!

Now, I would be lying to you if I said I still don’t feel lonely or confused. Driving home from my friend’s house tonight I was asking why certain people weren’t in my life. Y’all, I miss friends that I was soo close to that are no longer apart of my life. That’s tough to have people you love and cherish no longer be around. I clearly know the answer to why they’re not around anymore. He is drawing me near to Him so I can find the JOY that I so crave. And I know it will be more than worth it.

In this lonely battle, I might have tried to fight God a little.  We all know how that works out. (If you’re trying to fight God, just stop. It’s not worth it. What He has planned is wayyy better than whatever is going on in your mind anyway.) I finally surrendered. I prayed my prayer of surrender. I gave it all to Him. What else could I do? I couldn’t go through day after day crying. Night after night taking ZzQuil and diffusing Lavender, Stress Away, and Cedarwood just to sleep. No, y’all. That was NOT going to work.

What happened in my prayer of surrender?

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
-James 4:8

Shew. No joke. Since I gave it all to Him I literally see Him working. I see Him showing me I’m on the right path. I was with my cousin after finishing my morning devotion and just had to read my devotion to her. It was what I had literally talked to her about right before I started my devotion. This same cousin is speaking scripture to me, without realizing it is scripture. God is using her to talk to me. Last night while reading a book I had to call her again for the same reason. Then my preacher preached on finding hope in Jesus in terrible circumstances. Yeah. I expected to come in and hear the typical Christmas story sermon since it is Christmas Eve Eve. Nope, not this time. Pastor Chad switched it up on me. I have a feeling that God laid it on his heart to preach that sermon…I’m sure a few others needed to hear it too. God’s clever like that.

Here’s my challenge to you friends. Call or text your friends this week. Not just your best friends. All of your friends. Or any God lays on your heart. Wish them a merry Christmas and ask how they are doing. If you have one that is really on your heart, ask them if they would like to join you for coffee at your house this weekend..or go out to dinner…or anything. Y’all, your loneliest friends might say no. They might not want to intrude. Don’t give up after the first time you ask them. It might take more than one time for them to feel you genuinely mean it. More than anything, remind them of the love that Jesus has for them. Remind them that he came from heaven to live on this Earth – growing up in Nazareth (which I learned today was an AWFUL place to live), and was crucified for our sins, only to rise three days later. Y’all. This love is more real and bigger than ANY love we can experience on this Earth. It can make the loneliest person feel wanted, accepted, and loved. Your friend might need that reminder.

Sweet friends, I am praying that you can find joy in the presence of Jesus. I pray that you can see that HE is enough. I pray that you can feel His love for you. Most of all, if you need His salvation, I pray that you realize that and ask Him to save you. I pray that if you are not sure about what that means you reach out to me or someone else so we can lead you through this prayer.

Joy. I had a long post written about joy. Until I realized that the definition I was using in my head for joy is more of the definition of happiness. Happiness is fleeting. Joy is not. Joy is from the Lord. I have the Lord in me, I know I do. Therefore, I have joy in me.

At this moment, I am going through a tough stage. A stage that threatens to steal my joy. It is stealing my happiness. Talk to me for a few minutes and you will know that I am not happy. However, joy comes from the Lord. Though I am not happy, I continue to go to the Lord. To confide in Him. To cry to Him for help.

Although at this moment I am extremely sad, I am reminding myself of the verse:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
-James 1:2-4

Y’all, though I am sad in this situation, this verse reminds me to count this trial I am going through as JOY. God is using this situation. God is using this trial. Instead of sinning more than I’ve already sinned, but putting my complete faith in God, God will take care of me. I will lack NOTHING. And who knows how this is affecting others that are in this trial. This could be changing their lives. This could be pushing them toward God, and I pray it is.

This verse. God’s promises. Wow! I’m constantly amazed at Him and how He works everything for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

Y’all, even when we are going through trials, how can we NOT have joy when we are children of God knowing that even though we are sad at the moment, the amazing, loving, full of grace God is working things together for our good, and as Psalm 30:5 says weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

I am so glad to love a God who uses all these trials to fulfill His promises and show His goodness. I am so glad that I can have joy in Him knowing that He is working things together for my good. I am so glad that He is faithful. He has been before. He will continue to be, even when I am sad and cannot see the end or why He is allowing certain things to happen. I know that, even though I am in tears confused at the moment, He’s got this. I am so glad that throughout everything, I can see Him. I can see His work through the good and bad that I go through.

Sweet friend that is reading this, I pray that you will be able to count your current trials as joy. I pray that you will see that God is faithful. I pray that though you may be weeping right now, that joy comes in the morning. I pray that you learn to completely trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. I pray that you will let God be your complete joy in this crazy, amazing journey we call life.